How My Life Completely Transformed After My Saturn Return
And How To Navigate Yours
It was 2017. I found myself, yet again sitting in the bath, staring into space and trying to quiet a swirl of inner noise.
My brain was in overdrive. It kept telling me the same thing over and over again. It had been telling me this for a couple of years now. I'd been ignoring it of course.
My 30s were fast approaching and through my studies with Astrology, I know now that my Saturn return was on the horizon. Things were in motion that were much bigger than me and I would have to adapt and evolve at some point.
What is a Saturn return?
When you were born, all the planets in the sky were in certain positions. In the world of Astrology, these planetary placements create energies that influence the karma and fate of your life.
Saturn was one of these planets. Saturn in Astrology is a Teacher archetype. Well, more like an old, slightly grumpy professor. It represents boundaries, discipline, hard work and responsibility.
Every year on your birthday the Sun returns to where it was when you were born. The fancy way of saying birthday in Astrology is solar return. Saturn returns too, but it moves much slower than the Sun, taking around 29 years or so. It can bring with it change, lessons and growth as we approach our 30s. Ultimately, it's for your development and can initiate you into the next phase of adulthood.
Three major things I learned from my Saturn return
So here I am, starting to turn into a prune in my bathwater and contemplating my entire life, existence and generally wrestling with what I know to be true about my situation. We'd had the engagement party, we'd been together 8 years, had a house, pets and - perhaps most significantly, had just gone into business together.
But I was deeply unhappy. I had been for several years, but I was too stubborn to stop trying to make things work. I won't get into the gory details, but I felt alone and like a stranger in my own body. I was living a life that had nothing to do with my personality or who I was. I couldn't be myself fully.
The only way I can describe how I felt was like someone had dialled down a dimmer switch on my energy. I was living someone else's dream because, at the time, I didn't have my own. I had lost myself and allowed myself to go along with whatever was in front of me.
Bed soon became one of my favourite places, and I used to hide there on the days I couldn't face the intense workload of our new business. I think here is where I hit a rather dark episode of my life. It felt like I was trapped on a hamster wheel I desperately wanted to get off of, but felt too guilty to. I had to keep going. I couldn't let people down.
Then, I started therapy because I couldn’t sleep. I remember one pivotal session, where my therapist had a spider diagram laid out in front of her. She had me write down all the areas of my life that were causing me anxiety. The thing was, I knew something was very wrong but I just assumed it was all me. If I could just get myself together, it would all be better.
Through honest and thorough conversation, probing and the amazing, and careful questioning by my therapist - I uncovered the root of my anxiety. It was my relationship. We were plain and simple incompatible and had completely different values and ideas, but I had been pretending.
On the surface it looked great, thriving even. But my body was giving me clues and my mind was in knots trying to find any other problem rather than face the truth.
The turnaround
One singular sentence miraculously plucked me out of the dark and turned the light back up. Sometimes you need to hear something said in a particular way to finally get it.
This is one of the reasons I want to share my stories because who knows, maybe a story I tell will help something click for you if you need it.
I watched this video from Mel Robbins, where the message was this: If you are stuck on a decision, think about whether the choice you are about to make will help you grow, or keep you shrinking. Once I heard that, it was like the dial turned back up and the light fully illuminated the truth and I knew immediately what my next step was.
I made a point to tell my family what I had decided and write down why I was doing it. This way it would be harder to go back on this decision if I lost my nerve. I could also pull up my notes and remind myself how unhappy I was to keep one foot in front of the other.
Lesson one
Decisions based on expansion, personal growth and development are usually the best way forward.
That's not to say this is easy, nor have I mastered this. But it is a good place to come back to every time you are faced with a tough choice, and it builds your confidence that you have your own back.
Lesson two
Keep track of your thoughts.
If you are breaking up with somebody, leaving a job, ending a friendship or anything else big, you'll probably have all sorts of doubts and be scared.
Write down the reasons why this will be good for you, so you can return to it later in times of anxiety. A little past-self pick me up, again building your confidence in yourself and your choices.
Lesson Three
You can be the villain in someone else's story. I had heard this before, but it really stuck after this.
After we broke up and I called off the engagement, I resigned from the business and it felt like a weight had lifted. At the same time, I also felt intense guilt. I had hurt people. I felt like the worst person in the world who had caused a ripple effect of upset in the fallout.
I was happier but struggled to accept that people might have a story about me that painted me as uncaring and selfish. Maybe I was that last one a little bit, but sometimes you need to be. For the most part, it was my thoughts and feelings of guilt that made me doubt myself and who I am.
My biggest lesson here was: As long as you know you tried your best with the tools and mental capacity you had at the time, you're good. I can't say I handled the whole thing perfectly. I could have done better. But I did what I could with where I was at the time, and I had to forgive myself for putting myself first. We can't go around beating ourselves up forever.
How To Navigate Your Own Saturn Return
At this point, you might naturally be feeling a little anxiety or apprehension about what your Saturn return might bring. Astrology is a tool for being more consciously aware of themes that may arise. We always have free will and some control over our path, and there are infinite ways an Astrology movement can play out.
You can use it as a roadmap to make some sense of what might be happening. It's a form of divination, like Tarot that you have to interpret. Don't try and make things fit, or assume the worst-case scenario. Think of it as research that could come in handy.
Look to the sign (expression) and house (life area) Saturn sits in your chart.
I do wish I had known about this. I found all this out afterwards, and it made so much sense!
Imagine in this example that Saturn is a character with a mission in a film. The zodiac sign is the outfit, mannerisms and expression of that character, and the house is the area of life the story is focused on.
How to find your Saturn Placement
You'll need to do a little bit of legwork to find your Saturn placement, but it's worth it!
You'll need the date, time and location of your birth. Without the birth time, you won't be able to find out what house you have Saturn in, unfortunately - but you can still find what Zodiac sign it was in!
If you have everything - first, go here to find out which zodiac sign you have Saturn in. It's easy to get overwhelmed with Astrology - so if you are new to it, don't worry about all the other stuff on there. Just concentrate on which zodiac sign Saturn is in.
If you want to dig a little deeper, you can visit this website, input your birth data and scroll down until you see what house Saturn is in.
Once you have this info, you are free to dig around online and find out what energy Saturn brings to your life.
Stay conscious of Saturn's lessons and take that wisdom with you
You may be presented with similar Saturnian challenges in different forms later down the line. I think it's sort of like when you learn a new skill at school, and then have to apply it lots of times before you get good at it.
Several years later, I found myself in a job where I was under-appreciated and in a controlling, critical environment. I quit when I was able, but I managed to stick it out long enough to make sure I had the stability I needed to keep me secure without that income.
This came from that Saturn lesson on removing myself from anywhere I have to shrink to make myself fit in, or where I overwork myself to feel seen and respected. Saturn taught me about self-worth.
Lean into it
The truth is, we don't and can't always know how things will pan out and that is scary. It's okay to acknowledge that feeling, but we can't camp out and stay there. There's another concept I'm starting to learn to live by - don't worry about something twice.
The thing might happen. It might change our lives. But then, what if it doesn't? or if it happens differently? what if we can help ourselves through the terrible thing better than we assume? Or what if it turns out to be something good?
Developing trust in your future self to handle situations is a great step in preventing the turmoil of playing scenarios out in your head again and again. I promise you are more capable than you think to handle things.
Final thoughts on my Saturn return life lessons
For me, Saturn was in Capricorn when I was born. Some themes of Capricorn include: physical security, stability, practicality and determination.
Capricorn imagery is the sea goat. It depicts a goat with the tail of a fish or a shell it sits in. This represents the archetype of literally pulling yourself forward, up and out into your evolution.
Picture me, metaphorically in the dark, trying to find my way out.
Saturn also rules over my 7th house: the life area of relationships, partnerships and business collaborations. You can imagine my shock the moment I discovered this!
I lost a huge relationship, friendships, a business and money in the process of this change in my life, but ultimately it was for the best. I have since made new friends, have a much more healthy relationship and am in a much better place.
What Saturn Was Trying To Teach Me
My Saturn return lesson I think, was about self-confidence, releasing co-dependency and asserting myself. I had to learn to stand on my own two feet and remove myself from controlling or unhealthy environments.
I had to learn to advocate for myself within relationships, set boundaries and discover what I am willing to pour my energy into and what drains me. I had to figure out what I wanted and follow my own path and not get lost in a relationship. I was creating the next, more healthy version of myself.
Look to your own placement to decode your Saturn lesson.
This morning I woke up to my now partner putting some music on, and I had a little dance while looking out into the garden. It's a cold, rainy February day but still- because I knew I was writing this post later, it highlighted to me how different my life looks now. How uplifted and much brighter it is, and how different I feel in myself.
It's not perfect, I still have my self-doubts and confusion about my direction - but I am more confident. I know now what I don't want, and who I am not, which helps me slowly uncover where I want to be.
Bonus Tarot Spread/Journalling Ideas
You can use the following as journal prompts to help you get clear on the lessons being presented to you during times of change, what action you might need to take, or as a question for your cards.
Whichever way you want to work with Saturn is your choice!
What mindset shifts might I need to make to move through this change?
How am I being asked to see things from a different perspective?
If a friend was in this situation, what advice would I give?
What wisdom is coming through from this whole experience?
What did you discover about Saturn? I'd love to know in the comments. Please share your experience with others if you have already been through this, it's so helpful to hear other people's stories!
If You Need Some Guidance
If you would like to look into your current situation, perhaps it feels as if you are going through some change - please feel free to contact me if you would like to book an Astrology-informed Tarot reading.
Thank you so much for reading and please share this with anyone you feel may benefit!
Lots of love
Joey
xxxx
PS: Follow me on IG or FB @joeyclare_astrologyandtarot or Pinterest @joeyclarelife for Astrology-themed flashcards, infographics and forecasts - and for blog updates!
See you there!
